Easter? Check. Eggs? Not so much

It's funny--when DH and I had our big "Hey, I might finally be ovulating, I'd like to confirm that we're really ready to TTC" talk, DH asked me if we didn't seize that opportunity, when would our next window of opportunity be?

Knowing my long cycles, I guesstimated March, maybe April. We decided to give it the old hump & hope, but it ended up being a fake O and then we completely missed out real O about a month later.

But when I answered him, I had no idea that I'd be 1/2 way through April still waiting for that 2nd shot. I'm swiftly approaching CD40 with no O in sight.

I feel like Boxie with all of that boob-poking that I've been doing as I wait for signs of ovulation. Last cycle I got hyper sensitive nips about 2 days before I ovulated, but I thought it was AF arriving and I was already so cranky from not ovulating, that I didn't seize the opportunity when I had it.

But I guess what this post is really about today is that it's hard to see other TTC'ers lap me--some more than 3 times in the length of time that I have ONE SINGLE CYCLE. I know that means they've been disappointed with BFN's 3 times to my 1 and that's hard. But at the same time, it makes me feel like less of a TTC'er than them. Like I'm not really in the game.

I know it's not a competition, but I already feel so failed by my body and when I hear people who started TTC at the same time as me and they're on cycle #5, I can't help but feel really left behind--they get so many more chances than I do.

This Saturday is the 4 month mark since cycle 1 began--I think that's weighing on my mind. I know that it can take normal, healthy couples a year, but at this rate it's going to take me almost 3 years to have those 12 cycles/chances.

I know I could alleviate this by turning to modern medicine, but I'm not willing to bring in the risks and side effects just yet. This is just me feeling sorry for myself, feeling a little left behind, and feeling like a little less of a woman.