(Assuming) No news is good news

Tomorrow marks 6 weeks--and boy does it seem like longer! I guess that's one disadvantage of finding out that you're pregnant at 3w2d... It's a long wait to be out of first trimester.

I'm still feeling pretty good about things. I have the normal random pains here and there and both the fatigue and insatiable hunger have set in... So to me, everything seems pretty normal. I peed on my last stick about a week ago and the test line is now darker than the control line, so I think it's time to just put the peesticks down.

We've told my family, but not DH's. I didn't want to have a big hullabaloo like we did last time, so I told my family and BFF while we were all sitting down on couche together, hanging out. I just didn't want hugs and tears. It didn't seem right to be jumping and down crying over a new baby. I told my dad on the phone a few days later. I spend tons of time with my family, so it would have been nearly impossible to keep it from them--and quite frankly if something went wrong, they'd be the first to know about it.

DH's parents are out of town through March, so I don't know if he's decided when to tell them. I think he's waiting to see how our first appointment/ultrasound goes on Thursday. Cross your fingers for a flickering little heartbeat!

I'm rereading "Still to be Born," a book about infant loss and subsequent pregnancies. I read it a few months ago and got a lot out of it, but I thought it might make sense for me to read it again with fresh eyes. Again, I had to skip the section that talks about all of the different types of loss and risks because I just can't think about it. I can't worry about everything that could go wrong--because in many ways I'm still dealing with what did go wrong. And that's plenty for me thankyouverymuch.

Which brings me to uncomfortable moment #1: I was hanging out with my dad and his girlfriend...wait--My stepmom. (They got married on Friday!) Anyway, she reached over and rubbed my belly (BAH! PERSONAL SPACE INVASION!) and started to talk excitedly about how great it will be that our new baby will be so close in age to my neice--they'll be just under 2 years apart.

For some reason, that hit a raw nerve. I mean, sure--We wanted to start having kids so their cousins wouldn't be too far off from them. I hope they are great friends--but saying it like it was some new great discovery made me feel like it was discounting the child that would have been 1 year, 2 months apart from my neice. So yes, it's good... but in my heart at that moment it just wasn't good enough. I know she was trying to be excited and say something supportive, but it honestly just made me want to say that sure-- just under 2 years apart is fine, but just over 1 year would have been much better. It's not like I need to have my baby acknowledged 24/7, but I don't like it to be ignored.

So in summary - the clock keeps ticking, I keep waiting patiently, I'm still working hard on things, but I'm so grateful to be moving forward.