I cannot tell a lie...

But apparently I can keep a secret.

I've been holding out on you. I'm sorry, I hope that you can forgive me.

After posting a few weeks ago about wanting to test, I ended up grabbing more tests while out on a work errand and like a total teenager, tested at work. I was shocked to see a faint line appear--at 9DPO!

I hid it in my desk and kept looking at it, even leaving the building to get a better look outside in the sunlight. I was beside myself. I called my RE and they wanted me to come in the next day for a beta. Waiting for the results was pure torture, but it came in at a 29.

I wanted to tell DH in person, but I had scheduled dinner guests at our home on Monday and they were arriving right after I got home from work, so I had to wait until they left--at 10:30!!! I showed them out the door, grabbed the cats, and took them upstairs to DH where I told him that we might need to sit down with the boys--and talk to them about how they'd feel about becoming big brothers. He got all wide eyed and was like, "I knew something was up! I knew it!" Still, he made me spell it out for him and told him about testing, the dr's appointment in the a.m. and the risks at this point.

My 2nd round of betas came in at 88 (doubled every 29 hours!) and then the next round came in at 1420 (we had only been expecting 700-800). Whoo hoo! I had my first u/s at 5W3D and was a little disappointed that we just saw a sac, but I went back last week (6W3D) and saw that little pulsating heartbeat and just about melted!!

In summary, I can't say what it was that helped me to get pregnant. I was taking vitex, but I can't pinpoint it as the one thing that helped. I drank Traditional Medicinals fertility tea... YUCK!

But in the end? I got lucky. Really effing lucky. TTC is a crazy crap shoot and I feel like I've won the lottery.

Thank you girls for everything. I love you so, so dearly and I can't thank you enough for all of your support and kind words.

While this info has been on GP for awhile, I couldn't post it on here until I was ready to share it with my local board, which I did today. We're still trying to keep it quiet for a few more weeks, so if you're FB friends with me--no posting anything!!

xoxo,
MSC

Sisterhood Award

First of all, I'd like to thank Ramblings of a Southern Belle for the sisterhood award. It's kinda funny how the GP/BOTB message boards sometimes feel like an East Coast/West Coast gangsta rap divide, in blog land a lot of us have come together to offer support and advice. Thanks Jess for the Award!



Here are the guidelines for this award:
1) Put the logo on your blog or post.
2) Nominate 5 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
3) Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
4) Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

I know this award has made its rounds, so if you've already received it, just consider yourself extra cool for getting it twice.

I'd like to award:
Eat, Sleep, and You know...
Baby Manatee
Faith, Hope and Love
Attacked by Evil Ovaries
Two isn't enough for our family

xoxo,
MSC

I'll take bad ideas for $1,000, Trebeck.

FYI,

Just because the lavendar baby shampoo from Target makes you want to NOM-NOM-NOM the sweet little head of your niece, it does NOT MEAN that you should purchase it for yourself.

Why? Because either the dang stuff doesn't rinse out all of the way or it's too light of a shampoo to rid an adult's hair of all of the built up product and sweat.

What are you left with? Greasy hair that needs to be slapped into a ponytail within minutes of blow drying completion.

Oy to the Vey!

Nothing to see here, people

Keep movin' along. Nothing to see, nothing to report--business as usual.

And I'm busy as shit at work, so I don't have any playtime. But yay for the Derby this weekend!

I'm not dead yet

Well, after venting on here and on GP, I'm feeling a little better. Like by just letting all of that anxiousness out, I alleviated it a wee bit.

I mean, sure, it's going to be a long week but it's time to put on my big girl panties, be reasonable, and just wait to see what happens. We always tell newbies on GP to suck it up and wait it out, so I guess it's time that I followed my own snarky advice. After all, I have a busy week and a great weekend to look forward to.

I don't have any phantom symptoms, really. I have some boob tenderness like I always do and yesterday I wasn't very hungry (and that always happens to me when I'm anxious), but that's it. My temps usually stay up pretty high right until AF arrives, so it's not like I can read into them. I've got nothing.

So in the famous words of Monty Python, "I'm not dead yet. I think I'll go for a walk. I feel happy."

Cracking up

I'd like to think that I've shown a great deal of patience and restraint this cycle. After a 70+ cycle last time, I patiently waited 40+ days to O this cycle. I was fine the first week of my 2WW and I was fine this weekend...

And now I've lost my goddamn mind! It's like I walked into work this morning and logged onto GP, only to realize this is the week that I can test. Now, my mind tells me that it's still way to early (9DPO) and that it's unlikely to be a positive (no symptoms), so it's really that I want to get onto this next cycle and do a better job at detecting O and taking advantage of it.

I'm feeling more confident in my Nancy Drew style O detection skills. I'm feeling less anxious about having totally anovulatory cycles. I just feel ready to go balls to the wall on Cycle 3.

But in order to get to Cycle 3 (Month 5) I've gotta get through this week. *sigh*

Help!

Nothing to see here, people.

Is this not the most boring chart ever? A few bounces, a plateau... Could it be any less helpful?

It's kinda funny, though-- I think you guys are more excited about this 2WW than me! Sure, I'm basking in the glory of your comments, emails, and pages on GP because I'm a total attention whore, but to ask that burning question you've all been asking me, "Are you sooo excited?" I have to say, "Meh."

Being a long cycle girl sucks. I mean, like sucky-ducky-mucky-yuckus type suckage. The quality and power of suckage usually only reserved for Dysons and sorority girls. (I KID, I KID!)

Waiting to O is pure.effing.torture. You know how they say that a watchful pot never boils? Well, that's just describing how long it seems you're waiting when you're as hungry as a hostage, but it doesn't even begin to describe waiting to ovulate and have the chance to bring a new life into this world and you're only getting 1/4 of the chances other people get. And there's that whole fear of an anovulatory cycle, which is like, so much fun.

So the 2WW? Total breeze. I've kicked back, got my capri pants on and the only things on my mind is my weekend of sunshine and gardening, some dinner dates with friends next week and then going to the KY Derby.

It's like I took an exam and I'm waiting to see if I passed. What's done is done and there's nothing that I can do to guess what grade I'll be given nor to beg (or show a little boobie) for extra credit. It either is or it isn't.

And something tells me it isn't. And that's okay.

You stalk me, you really stalk me!

*Clutches BBT tearfully*

Wow. I don't even know what to say! First, I'd like to thank my mom for bringing me into this world at over 11 lbs (and sans any sort of drugs, no less) and my DH for supporting me through cycle 2 and for doing everything he could in an attempt to impregnate me.

To my ovaries for deciding to step up to the plate, put on their big girl panties, and get into the game. I cannot thank you enough.

And to all of my chart stalkers out there who have pledged their unwavering support and threatened my life if I update Fertility Friend later than 10 a.m. I love each and every one of you.

*Orchestra starts up*

Oh, I just know I'm missing somebody... To my BFPB's boxie, Jennloves and michelleh for POAS pushing and talking me off of the ledge over the past few weeks. I know I can be a bit much in the overanalyzing department and pursuing explanations for every.single.thing, but *MUSIC SWELLS*

BUT! I love you and I can't thank you enough. I couldn't do this without you. Wait, I mean, technically I could, but who would want to? ;-)

POAS countdown: One week!

I'm going to have to word this very carefully, because it might just make me look like a flaming idiot.

So I'm fairly certain that I will not be making my own victory lap Derby weekend. Which is good because the dress that I have purchased looks amazing with 4" heels. And I have a hat, which would totally blow off if I tried to jog.

But the reason that I'm so sure at 4DPO, you ask? I have to warn you that it requires a wee bit of an explanation, suspension of disbelief, and a potentially flame-worthy question(s). (Get ready, GP and BOTB'ers! It's a goodie!)

But you know what? That's what I'm here for. To ask the ridiculous question that I've been trying to research and can't find an answer for, in hopes that it makes someone else feel a wee better about their intelligence level--either by providing snarky material or by someone who has pondered the exact same query. You are not alone, dear e-friends!

Anyway. So I had the same thing happen both this cycle and last. At 5DPO and 4DPO (Cycle 1-2, respectively) I had a pink spotting accompanied by a dark dot about the size of a *.

Now, I'm not asking you to crawl up my vagina and tell me what happened (but if you're going to, please be sure to wiggle around and make it worth my while, mmkay?), nor am I fishing for pregnancy signs. Quite the opposite. What I am looking for is for anyone to tell me if they had this happened to them before and if my hypothesis is even possible.

So here it is. I am well aware that a human egg is smaller than a period at the end of a sentence. I am also aware that said egg is encased in a jelly like substance/membrane, such as was seen in those ovulation photos posted awhile ago.

So if and when an egg is not fertilized, can you see this larger membrane when it is discharged? And is it, say the size of an *? And since it is discharged during your luteal phase and not during your period, would this be proper timing for that to happen?

Interwebs, I cannot find answers to my query. Either tell me what brilliant medical knowledge you have to share, tell me you've experienced this, or talk some sense into me.

Any which way you choose to reply, just know that it's for the greater good.

2WW time!

Hoorah for the 2WW!

Yesterday I got all annoyed that FF wasn't going to give me CH's, no matter what temp I put in. But I was determined to be a big girl and not give myself CH's, no matter how tempting that is.

So this morning I temped and it was still way over my usual coverline, but had come down quite a bit--I suspect that my sunburn had been affecting my temps and I'm much better today.

I logged on, entered my temp and as expected, no CH's. I entered in a temp for tomorrow... Nothing. The day after... Nothing. WTF?

Then I remembered that earlier this cycle I had been given incorrect CH's and had manually gone in and deleted them. So I went over to the tuning/analyzer option and cleared things out again (I think I hit a delete button) and BAM! Crosshairs! They're not solid, but I don't effing care. It's the open circle's fault--which considering the fun that we had on Saturday, it was totally worth it.

So this has my temp falling or me testing right before we leave for the Kentucky Derby next week. I'll either be over the moon or slamming down mint juleps. Either way, I know I'll be a happy little girl.

All's good in MSC land. I'm happy about the O'ing a 21 days earlier than last cycle, I'm pleased that I managed to pull it together for decent timing, and I'm feeling even more confident in my abilities to detect O and not be a total spaz.

Next cycle I would of course like to kick it up a notch in the BD category, especially after playing The Great Sperm Race Game, which really put into perspective just how amazing it is that an egg gets fertilized. WARNING: this game is hella addicting!

But for now... we watch and wait!