Controversial consent

The day before I went in to be induced, I had to go to my doctor's office to sign a consent form for the procedure. Luckily, the person on the phone had already kindly warned me what the form would say--that I was consenting to an "elective abortion," even though she understood that this was not my true choice.

Still--really?!

I understood why I needed to sign a release form that stated that I was willingly having my baby removed from me, but I wish they would have had a "no way out!" stamp they could have put on the top or some kind of "fatal condition" checkbox marked. Because lord knows I really need to feel judged at this moment and to have "elective abortion" listed in my medical records.

So I feel this should be addressed. While I don't really feel the need to defend what we chose to do, I will elect to explain.

Some people find out their children have fatal conditions and choose to carry them to term (or until nature takes its course), giving them every second of a good life that they can give them. I'm glad that they have the right and ability to choose what was best for them--legally, mentally, physically, and (if applicable) religiously. Taking a child to term with a fatal condition is an amazing, selfless act and my heart goes out to everyone put in this situation, no matter what they decide.

When we found out what had happened and understood the particular details of Potters sequence, it was clear that letting her go immediately was the route for us to give our baby the best life that she could have had. She had already swallowed all of my amniotic fluid and without any renal system, she couldn't pee it out to make her comfortable, expand my uterus, and recycle the fluid to develop her lungs.

So no fluid, no moving, no comfort, slowly deforming in a uterus that won't expand... I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't crush her to death with my own body. I also couldn't wait and allow her to get to the point that she would try to gasp for breath upon delivery with undeveloped lungs. That was not the life that I wanted for my baby, even if it meant keeping her with me longer.

Call it what you want, but I'll always believe it was the right thing to do and that I gave my baby the best life possible for every single second of it. If the circumstances would have been different, I honestly can't say what I would do because it truly is a situation that you can't comprehend until you're in it. And I hope you never are.