2 week post partum checkup

Yesterday wasn't a great day. I had what should have been my post partum checkup with my doctor, but since I'm still spotting we couldn't do the exam. So I'm stuck going back in 3 weeks for the full exam.

My symptoms have been as good/minimal as we could hope for and when we went over my delivery (which I will write about some day) he said that I had one of the very best he's ever had to do under those circumstances. But not exactly something to enjoy patting yourself on the back over.

We went over my laundry list of questions and chatted for awhile. He helped to settle some of the fears that I shared before about if it could have been a bad egg from late ovulation, anything I did, etc. We are also taking him up on an offer to meet with a genetic counselor to see if there is any testing we can have done to rule out other conditions. Sure, they tell you this probably isn't genetic, but quite frankly with the amount of fear that we have right now, I'm happy to rule just about anything out.

We talked about my long cycles and when my period may reappear and how long we should wait. They weren't planning on monitoring my betas, but since I have long cycles, they're going to test my betas at my next appointment to make sure they're decreasing appropriately. Then they'd like me to complete two full cycles to flush out my uterus--and if they're long cycles, I can induce a period with provera. More than anything they said it's the minimum of 12 weeks for my uterus to contract, heal, and return to it's original position. So I'm glad there weren't any 6 month-1 year curveballs thrown our way.

I'm trying to think about what else he told us, but I don't have my question list with me. And I'll probably explore the "When will you TTC again?" question in some detail soon.

I went to work afterwards and for the rest of the day, I just wasn't myself. Maybe it was revisiting what had happened in such detail, maybe it was returning to the "scene of the crime," as the last time I'd been there was to sign my release forms and and DH's last visit was for the big (clusterfuck of a) ultrasound.

Or maybe it was just a reminder that this is something that didn't happen and go away. I'm stuck carrying it with me now and that just fucking sucks.