You only get to choose what you hold onto

My dad strikes again.

When he came to see me and the baby, he told me that, "All there is in life is love. That's what gets us through and that's what we hold onto."

So that's what I choose--I choose love and I choose to let it multiply and thrive.

I choose the love of my beautiful, sensitive husband, my friends and family, and yes, the love that I have for my baby and that I know my baby has for me. I'd rather spend 6 hours with her (seemed like 10 minutes) than never to have known the love of cuddling and kissing her, even though she was already gone on arrival. I'm going to hang onto that love and take it with me.

I surprised myself in so many ways this past weekend. It quickly became obvious that I wasn't having a miscarriage. This wasn't something that would just go away. I had a baby. And even if that baby was coming into the world already at peace, it still needed it's momma. So that's what I chose to be and I am so, so glad that I did.

I know to some it may be strange that I'm here and I'm talking about this so openly and sharing my grief, but honestly I've always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve and when I have the words, I share them.

I have my dark moments. I've cried until I couldn't breathe. But when I have that moment to gasp for breath, I'm so grateful to have that breath to take.

We all have choices of what we hold onto in life--our bad childhoods, our fears, our insecurities, etc. But really--the easiest and most beneficial choice is to hang onto the love. I don't consider it an act of strength. It's just life.