Bad news. Like, the worst news possible.

Forgive me if this is redundant to some of you, but it's just about the only way that I can explain the clusterfuck of badness that has happened.

We went in for our anatomy scan at 8 am and immediately everything was very grainy and hard to see. The baby was butt down and legs up and she couldn't even get remotely close to see the gender. And at the moment she said that I was pretty okay with it--as long as everything else turned out okay.

But it didn't. She only got to measure the heart and the brain because that was all she could get to. She commented on the lack of amniotic fluid making it hard for her to see anything, but that she'd go talk to the doctor and they'd probably be sending us to a specialist because usually when there's a lack of fluid like that it signals a kidney or a placenta problem.

Excuse me? Those are two very scary things!

She returns from talking to the doctor and wants to measure a few more items, but it doesn't seem like she finds what she's looking for. I try not to let panic creep in.

We talk to the doctor (who was Captain Cheerful as he shoved us out the door) who set us up with a specialist at 10:30. So we go home, we Google, and we wait.

So I read up and it seems that low amniotic fluid can be bad, especially this early can be kidneys/placenta, but it can be a few other things. So I root for those options, arm myself with a little info, and get into the car.

While in the car, I flip over the page that the doctor's office gave us with directions. The other side is the fax that they sent the specialist--that states I have NO AMNIOTIC FLUID with underlining and stars. I immediately lose it. It's not good.

I lose it again when we pull into the parking lot and I feel the baby wiggle inside of me. AAAHHH! It's a living nightmare.

I try to pull it together as we head there and wait in the waiting room. Then the u/s tech comes in and does her thing, takes a million photos, and just keeps searching. Finally she just marks a blank area, "Kidney area." I know what this means, but I just can't comprehend it. I can also see that as she takes her measurements that some things are just all over the place--giving due dates ranging from Dec. 17 to April (I'm assuming the non-existent kidneys.)

She left the room to get the doctor and I turned to my DH and said, "She didn't find kidneys. She just marked that a kidney area." He knew.

The specialist comes in and does her own search, takes another 100 photos and measurements, and then says to come into her office. She brings in another doctor and they tell us the news.

The baby has no kidneys and no bladder (in fact, I think the only digestive organ they found was a stomach). What happens in your first trimester is that your amniotic fluid is a saltwater mixture, but as you get into your 2nd tri, the baby starts to swallow the water which makes the lungs develop and the baby pees it out.

So our baby has swallowed the water, but it can't get it out. And it never will because it doesn't have the organs to do so. The baby is just stuffed in there because without amniotic fluid, the uterus can't keep expanding and the baby just gets more and more stuck.

It's a random occurrence. It's not preventable, it's not treatable and it has a zero chance of survival. They were very, very clear with us on this.

So that's it. They're calling tomorrow to discuss delivery options.