Half of a year, all of my heart

(So forgive me. This was written on 4/9, but I'm only posting it today because I didn't have time to pull photos to include. I promise there are more posts coming soon! xoxo)


Six months. Six amazing months have flown by. The weekdays flip by so quickly--get us all ready in the morning, drop you off at the sitters (stopping to give her the latest Poop Report), go to work, fly home, feed you, feed me, bath and bedtime. Rinse and repeat until the weekend. Oh the sweet weekends when I get to play with you on the floor, decide if I want to shower or not, run to Target or hang out with family. Life is good. Really effing good.


We went through a rough patch where you started to wake up a lot at night again. I'm not gonna lie--I started to lose my mind a little. I was exhausted and disoriented, but we started up solid foods and you snapped right back into only getting up once a night. I can handle that! :-)


Your favorite things are your feet, Sophie, and FOOD! FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD! You'd think we had been starving you the way you eat. You lunge towards the spoon, yell and growl if we aren't going fast enough, and smile smile smile at how much you like it. So far you've had brown rice cereal, oatmeal, and avocado. Next up are sweet potatoes. WHEE!!


We have some new musical discoveries--you love Joni Mitchell and you loathe Dave Matthews. In fact, we were on a car trip together and I was listening to a mix CD and you started screaming every single time one of his songs came on. Hilarious! And sorta brilliant.


You rolled over for the first time almost two weeks ago. I was on my way home from work, but your dad was with you and cheering you on. The funny thing is that you did it in order to see the cat. When I got home you wouldn't roll over again so your dad went and got the cat and FLIP! There you went. A few weeks ago you had no idea the dang cats existed and now you're all ohmygodwhatisthatthingiloveitsomuch!!! It's funny.

Anyway. I just wanted to take a few minutes here on your 6 month birthday weekend and say that I love you, Peanut.
xoxo,
Momma

Dear Peanut,

Four months. Four glorious months have passed of watching every single magical thing you do in pure awe. I can't tell you how many times we're playing on the floor or you're nursing or falling asleep in my arms and I just keep telling myself over and over to remember and appreciate every single moment of this because I can literally feel the baby in you slipping through my fingers.


The newborn I knew is all but gone now. I can sometimes see a little glimpse of her when you're doing tummy time and your huge cheeks are just sagging and swaying in the breeze, but in the blink of an eye it's gone.

I remember my mom telling me that when I was born (way overdue) that it was because I just wasn't ready--and that the trait of not doing anything until I was ready stayed with me my whole life. But then when I'm ready--look out world! There's nothing stopping me.

I can see a similar pattern in you, my love. My labor with you was a slow start--a trickle of my water, a cramp, and then slowly built. You're the same way with your milestones--I'll get all concerned that you're not reaching for something as actively as you should be (in my head, of course) and then I realize you've been doing it all along without any ability to pinpoint the "first time" you did anything.

One day you'll nonchalantly rest your hand on something. Another day you'll pat it. Another day you'll grasp your chubby little fingers around it and next thing I know, you're shoving it in your mouth with this look on your face like, "What? I knew how to do this all along."



You do things in your own time, but your pace is slow and peaceful not like your momma, Hurricane MSC.

I haven't been good at writing to you as much as I probably should be, but honestly it's because I've been trying to spend every moment making those memories, not recording them. However, our monthly photo shoot have kept going strong and we're really starting to enjoy some creative photo ops. (See my first tribute to Mila's Daydreams.)



In the end, I'm wearing the New Parent badge of honor on my sleeve. I can't apologize or hide the love and pride that's bursting from me. You're such a easy going, loving little nugget and I'm so grateful that you chose us to be your parents.

More love than we know what to do with

As always, go ahead and hit play... I was recently re-introduced to this song and keep singing it in my head.

Dear Lilly,

Every morning when I hear your little squeaks on the monitor, I can't help but smile to myself as I roll over in the covers, knowing that shortly I'll be seeing your sweet little face, melting my heart completely and washing away any semblance of exhaustion.


You are so magical in the morning! I love your little gasp when you hear me open the door, how you lay there ultra still as I sing you your good morning song, how you break into uncontrollable smiles and wiggles when our eyes meet over the edge of your crib. These are moments that I wish you would be able to remember, but I know I will never forget.


Last night when we returned from my mom's house I carried your tired little body upstairs and my eyes welled up with tears. I remember my dad carrying me to bed after staying late at Grandma and Grandpas--and I can't believe that this little person in my arms is really my daughter and I'm really carrying your amazing little self to your bed. The idea that I make you feel as safe and loved as my parents did back then is almost too much love for me handle.

It's an interesting thing, becoming a parent. Sometimes I just want to call my mom up and ask her how she did it--how she handled us growing up, growing apart, and sometimes us not being all that nice to her. Sure, we have a great relationship now but the teenage years alone were riddled with trying times. I can't imagine how hard that is on a parent when it all starts out with this pure, unapologetic outpouring of love. I hope you never treat me how I've probably treated my parents from time to time. I'm not sure my heart could take it.


We've had some very important conversations lately and while you don't know what I'm saying just yet, I hope someday you'll understand what I've told you:

I love you so simply, so completely, and so endlessly. I will love you until there is no more breath in my body. I will love you even when you are not as perfect as you are now and even when you don't like or love me that much at all. You've always been more than I could ever ask or hope for and I am so, so grateful to you for making me a true momma.


XOXO