Wherein I brag because I'm excited as fvck

Last night we booked a trip to Turks and Caicos! SQUEEE!!

We've been watching travel deals for a while and finally found a bargain for this fall. After much debate and hand-wringing we decided to leave Lillypants at home with her Auntie that she adores. I think she'll be fine with her normal routine and we'll benefit from some mommy & daddy alone time.

I'm still sort of in shock/disbelief, but I'm so.freaking.excited!

Against all odds...

I'm having the best weekend ever.

We've been biking and playing, watching movies, sitting in front of bonfires, drinking wine, going to up to the lake, etc. And Friday I had a blast with some great girlfriends at a local winery.

Really. It's way better than I anticipated. While I haven't been 100% unplugged, I've kept my internet time to a minimum and my focus on my family. It's been work to fit everything in, but it's been incredible.

And as I type this, DH is out buying me some lime Tostitos (no idea why, but I've been craving them for at least a day now) and some more wine. Because we always need more wine, right? ;-) He's a good man!

Anyway, tonight I held Lillypants and marveled at the fact that two years ago I held a baby barely the size of her thigh--her sister. Yes I wish with everything that I have that she was here with us--but I didn't cry. Today I was able to accept the hand I was dealt and appreciated the brief moments I had with our first baby, and then felt overwhelmed with this incredible gift that I've been given.

Some days are still easier than others. I'm glad this weekend has proven to be more aligned with the former.

Oh and it sounds like we've agreed to go for #3, so there's that too. ;-)

Today is stupid.

Yep. That's my attitude at the moment. I fucking hate August 26th. I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. I hate that it was the day that I was looking forward to and that it became the day that I'll never be able to forget and that I've lived over and over in my mind literally thousands of times. Almost every day, in fact. That's a lie: it has been every day of the past two years.

I'm doing my best to give it the big middle effing finger and go about my business, stay busy, and not look at the calendar. There's this big calendar when you enter my work--this morning as I entered the building I barely caught it out of the corner of my eye and just looked away and started to talk to a coworker.

Fuck it. I'm just not doing it. I'm not going to torture myself. I'm already done with all of my meetings for the day so I'm not even opening my Outlook calendar. No effing way.

Yesterday I was on Facebook and the little "On this day in 2009" thing popped up and it was something about me saying that my clothes didn't match because I was tired and got dressed in the dark. I just sat there and stared at the post--it was just so... superficial. Vain. Unimportant. Naive with no idea the shitstorm of sadness that was about to begin.

So eff you too, Facebook "On This Day..." feature. Eff you in the butt.

I am anxiously awaiting the day that August 26th comes to mean something else to me. I've been rooting with passion and glee for my sister's baby to arrive today. I would like nothing more than for this date to become a happy occasion and a celebration of new life. And at 2 days overdue, I'm sure she'd like nothing more than to oblige me. ;-) But the little man will arrive whenever he feels like it and I will celebrate him all the same. It's a good time of year to finally have something good happen.

So this weekend, we're unplugging. I've already turned off my Facebook wall and comments features. We're taking off Monday (Jude's birth-day) and are just going to hang out, do some fun family stuff, and remember our littlest lady.

It'll be fine, really. I'm way better than I was last year and actually looking forward to the family time. But I just hate this date. It's stupid.

xoxo

Tricks and treats

We're all learning big lessons in the MSC household!

Yesterday Lillian learned how to undo the velcro on her diaper.

Momma learned to not let Lillian just sleep in a diaper. And to never, ever pick her up in the morning without turning the lights on first.

Yep. That happened.

Awesome.