Well, the short version of this birth story would be that I wanted a natural childbirth and I got it... And it was the craziest, most amazing experience of my life. But for posterity's sake (and for those considering natural childbirth who are nuts like me and want to read every.single.detail) I present to you The Longest Birth Story Ever Told.
I mean, considering it took 28+ hours to take place, it's not like one could really do a Reader's Digest version anyway, right? ;-)
The week before my due date, I started having contractions after work each night, exactly at 5:00. They were 5 minutes apart, but would taper off after I'd lay down for the evening. I had them throughout the day (usually whenever I was walking) but I thought it was funny how they would become timeable right at 5:00 on the dot. I'm not exactly known for being punctual!
That Friday, the same thing happened after work. We went to my sister's for dinner and started to watch the documentary "Babies" but they didn't go away. In fact, sometimes they were only 3 minutes apart.
Around 10 p.m., I went to shift my legs on the couch and felt a small gush. I went to the bathroom to determine if it was my water breaking or if Lillian had stepped on my bladder. As I walked around, I continued to leak so I knew it was my water.
I told my sisters that I thought my water had broken. They stared at me in disbelief as I tried to talk out what had just happened and convince myself this was for real. I told them that I was going home to get some rest (I had worked all day and even took a 2 mile walk with my boss at lunch). They were surprised and very excited, but I made them promise not to tell anyone since I wanted to labor at home (in peace and quiet) for as long as possible. Something told me this was going to be a long road.
I tried to stay calm as I drove the few blocks home and told DH what happened. We finished packing our hospital bags and in a panic, called my sister to ask her to pick up some real fruit popsicles to take with me to the hospital--the one item I hadn't purchased yet. I crawled into bed while DH waited for my sister to arrive with the goodies.
We used our Hypnobabies CDs (borrowed from my dear friend Boxie) to fall asleep. I would still wake up every 3-7 minutes when a contraction would start, open one eye to look at the clock, and fall back asleep. I also used this time to practice the relaxation techniques I'd worked on in our Bradley class.
Around 7 a.m. I finally called the midwife to let her know I was in labor. I wasn't thrilled that the on-call MW, Molly, was one that I had never met before but she turned out to be pretty awesome. She said I could go to the hospital, but I explained to her that I would prefer to stay home and we made a plan to check in every few hours.
I made us breakfast (Yes--I am insane) of bacon, eggs, and toast. I labored at home for awhile, listening to Hypnobabies CD's over and over again, trying different positions around the house, bouncing on the birthing ball, etc. The only position that didn't work for me was on all 4's--it was incredibly uncomfortable.
I also discovered that labor was messing with my senses--if there was background noise, something moving, etc. it would make the contraction much harder to deal with.
Also, I found myself focusing on breathing slowly and deeply, imagining that my breath was pulling the power out of the contraction and out through my head. It helped me to concentrate on the contraction losing it's power after the peak and made the spaces between contractions seem a little longer.
We went on 2 long walks--but our neighborhood is pretty hilly so we would drive to the local towpath to walk there. I would have a contraction in the house, then walk out to the car and have one in it, drive the few blocks to the towpath, have another, then get out of the car to walk. What a sight we must've been to the other people walking and riding on the path! We held hands and talked, admired the changing colors on the trees, and how excited we were to meet our little Tigerlily. When a contraction would come on, I would stop, close my eyes, deep breathe, rock my hips, and after it subsided, we'd keep walking and resume our conversation. It was a very special time we spent together and I can't drive past that park without smiling.
DH made us grilled cheese for lunch, but I didn't have much of an appetite. I kept drinking as much water as I could to stay hydrated and even managed to take a few quick naps. My contractions were getting progressively stronger, but were also spacing out a bit.
Every few hours I would take my temperature and call the midwife to check in. Around 5:30 p.m. the midwife finally advised that we head to the hospital. I was laboring in the rocking chair and my legs had started to shake, so I agreed to go. I needed someone to tell me that I was making progress and that she would be on her way soon.
When we arrived at the hospital, the doctor had to check me with a speculum. When he looked, he said that my water was bulging and that I was at least dilated to a 4. He asked DH if he wanted to see and he jumped at the opportunity. I laughed and asked him if he was sure he wanted to see that and he said that he did, but asked if it was alright with me. I agreed and he marveled at how crazy it was to see.
The doctor then checked internally and it turns out that I was at a 6, which was good news--he just hadn't been able to see my whole cervix before. They then checked me into my room around 7:00, put in my heplock (I didn't want an IV so that I could stay mobile) and did some monitoring. That was tough because they wanted me to lay back and strap on the monitors which was unbelievably painful during contractions.
Our midwife arrived and got them to agree to monitoring 1 contraction every 15 minutes, which was tough too. I finally had to ask them to just let me hold the monitor in place instead of strapping them onto me. I could tell that Molly had to argue with the hospital a bit and one of our nurses was being a bit of a bitch about it, but I was too far into labor and concentrating to really deal with her or worry much about it. I'm just glad Molly was able to go to bat for me.
At this point, time became a bit of a blur. We listened to my birthing playlist--mostly soft Beatles music. We spent some time in the birthing tub from around 8:30-9:30, which was a nice distraction. However, it wasn't a whole lot of relief because it made my acid reflux so much worse with my belly floating up higher. Eventually they offered me some Pepcid through my heplock and I conceded. I felt bad--I'd gone through my entire pregnancy just using Tums/Rolaids/papaya enzyme tablets that I wish I could have made it the rest of the way... and the stupid Pepcid didn't help anyway!
I got out of the tub and spent a long time laboring in bed--sitting indian style and just doing my best to relax and give into labor. I was tired, uncomfortable and just wishing I could make more progress. Molly checked me and I'd progressed to a 7, but not much more. Around 11:00 I asked about breaking my water since apparently the "break" I had the night before was either a high leak or had resealed itself.
Molly was wonderful--she said she would suggest breaking my water, but wasn't going to push it because it wasn't in my birth plan. She said that from where Lilly's head was and how much my water was bulging that it was probably preventing her head from pressing on my cervix enough to dilate it fully.
I hadn't wanted any interventions, but something was telling me that this was a smart decision to go ahead and do it. I'd already been laboring for over 24 hours and the hospital was already nervous about me and I wanted things to start moving. However, breaking my water fully was going to make contractions even worse, so I wanted to take a break first to rest up.
I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible (lord only knows how this is possible on the verge of transition). My legs kept shaking mercilessly. I was scared of having my water broken, so I just wanted them to do it quickly. At 11:30 I remember looking at the clock, disappointed that I wasn't going to deliver on my due date (and John Lennon's birthday) but thinking to myself that 10/10/10 was a pretty good consolation prize. I also remember thinking of the clock as a pie chart--I'd already come so far--it couldn't be much longer.
After they broke my water, fluid kept gushing and gushing out. They couldn't believe how much fluid kept coming out of me (delicious, eh?) I sat on the edge of the hospital bed and with each contraction, more would flow and they'd have to change the pads underneath me again. The contractions were more intense and Lilly's every movement more uncomfortable. I had progressed to a 7/8, but not quite an 8.
Molly had me change positions to the midwife position to get Lilly more centered in my pelvis. This was incredibly uncomfortable, but I could tell it was working. Shortly afterwards I was a full 8.
Nothing could have prepared me for full-on transitioning. I totally, 100% understand why people get epidurals--you reach a point where you will do anything to derail that crazy train and make the pain (and the fear, exhaustion, etc) stop.
It takes you to a point where you hit this crazy, impossible wall and you're in this dark standoff with your own body--and letting go at that point and letting your body to take over is the hardest, scariest thing in the world to do. But then you do--and your body responds and you're on your way.
My body completely convulsed with each contraction. I laid on my side, holding the bedrails (trying my hardest not to clutch them for dear life--I didn't want to tense up) and just kept telling my DH over and over that I didn't want to do it, I couldn't do it, make it stop, that I just wanted it all to be over. I never let myself say the word epidural because I knew they'd give me one if I said it.
I kept envisioning the relief of someone running into the room at full speed, stabbing me in the back with an epidural, or wheeling me out of the room and cutting her out of me--anything to make it stop. It's not that it's so painful you can't take it--it's really just an extreme discomfort that you feel like will never.effing.end. (Newsflash: it does! ;-)
But this is what they meant when they talk about giving into labor. I was fighting the convulsions to relax enough to let labor progress. I know this probably doesn't make much sense, but it's what it felt like to me.
I also got a little panicky and when Molly left the room, I had to have DH go and get her and when she got there, I couldn't explain to her why I needed her there. I just did.
Finally I was able to calm down enough for a few contractions that I didn't convulse and suddenly I felt her move down. I couldn't help but shout, "I've gotta POOOOOOOP!" (Yes, we still laugh about that to this day.) Molly laughed and said that was good--and when I felt like pushing to go ahead and bear down a little. She said that when I started making grunting noises that she'd know I was ready to really push. A few contractions later, the grunting started! It was hilarious because it sounded just like she described and just happened naturally.
At 1:28 a.m. I was a full 10 (I kept insisting, "This one goes to eleven!" ala This Is Spinal Tap) and kept pushing as they got the room ready.
When they had broken my water earlier, there was meconium in the fluid, so the NICU team had to be there. Molly explained to us that this meant DH couldn't catch the baby as we'd hoped, but if she came out screaming we could still do skin to skin and delay cord cutting, but if she didn't scream she'd get whisked away by the NICU team to check her out.
When the NICU team arrived as I was pushing, all I could think of was that I didn't want them to take my baby away. They introduced themselves and from my pushing position on the bed I moaned, "I'm MSC... I brought candy!" and pointed to the bag of candy that I'd brought to bribe the nurses into being nice to me. LOL
The contractions kept coming and I kept pushing. Pushing was the most amazing, exhilarating thing ever. Once I was able to let go, let my body and contractions take over, etc--she came out like a champ. The ring of fire was NOTHING at all to me--in fact, they said for a few contractions that I was one push from getting her out, but the contraction was ending, so I just let her go back in. I kept telling myself that stretching like that would help me to prevent tearing as bad. In fact, I think DH, the nurses and Molly were more disappointed than I was when she didn't come out during these contractions!
At one point they asked me if I wanted to feel her head, so I reached down and was shocked to find that it felt nothing like a head at all! It was this crazy, wrinkly ball of mush. Ick! It was more confusing than motivating, but I'm glad I did it anyway.
I was having some problems with the final pushes because on one side they had my foot and on the other they were holding my leg, so I didn't feel like I had good leverage on that side, but I was afraid of being rude and barking orders for them to grab my foot (labor insanity, anyone?) Finally someone grabbed my foot and the next thing I knew I was screaming this crazy, primal, exhilarating scream and she was crowning.
But that final push at 1:53 a.m., the feeling of relief as she came out, the look on her face when she came out, screamed, and then just started looking around at all of us like "WTF, how did I end up here?!" (She is MY kid, after all... She apparently says WTF right off the bat, LOL)... It was amazing!
And then they put that warm, slippery little body on my chest and I was just so overwhelmed--I wish I could remember my first words to her, but we weren't allowed to videotape. I have a feeling it was something along the lines of, "Oh my god! Hi! HIIII!!!"
She looked right at us as we held her--calmly, contemplative. It was magical. She was so sweet and alert.
While we visited with her, I delivered the placenta (which in comparison to a 8 lb, 11.4 oz and 21" baby, felt like a warm massage) and got stitched up. I had 2 1st degree tears and a "nick," which didn't hurt much at all (yes, I took the numbing shot--I'm not a total freak! ...okay, nevermind. I stand corrected!) And then we let in my mom and stepdad who had been waiting in the waiting room (patiently, with no idea that I'd just delivered). We all sat around and smiled, marveling at her size and beauty as she was weighed and checked in the room.
Finally I breastfed her (screaming, "OW OW OW!") and then she was off to the nursery for her bath while we got checked into our post partum room. A few hours later she was brought to our room for our real adventure to begin.
There were so many times that I wanted to stop--to make the pain go away. But I wanted this to be our first gift to her and I'm so glad that I did. She was so alert, quickly latched and nursed like a pro, and just overall thrived from the get-go.
And surprisingly, I felt like a champ! Honestly, I felt like I could have gotten up and drove home that night. My only real pain was in my tailbone and at first we were a little concerned that she had chipped it, but it turns out it was just sore from her essentially using it like a slide to get on outta there. But some ice packs and I was 100% better in about 2 days.
In the end, I think the key for me was reading about a TON of relaxation techniques, practicing them, and then mentally filing them away for potential use. Some things worked in labor, some absolutely didn't. I read a ton of labor stories to hear what other people did, understand their thought processes, and just know that it would not kill me. Also practicing the techniques in early labor helped me to be more prepared and refine what worked before things got rough.
I have to say that going naturally was one of the craziest, most challenging things I've ever done in my life. It's funny--when people find out you want or had a natural childbirth, they're so quick to tell you that they don't give out medals for not having pain meds. Honestly, if I was looking for a medal I would have pursued another endeavor! This was about finally having my turn to deliver a child the way I wanted to for my entire life. It was about testing my physical and mental limits for myself. It was about facing those dark moments in transitioning and still wanting to push forward and give into this physiological process. This was about being able to give this gift to my daughter because both of our health allowed it. It was about all 3 of us, having the most intense, exhilarating, bonding experience possible. That's what I carry with me and that's what I'm proud of.
Welcome to the world, Miss Lillian. I'm so glad you're here! XOXO, Mummy
It's an interesting thing, becoming a parent. Sometimes I just want to call my mom up and ask her how she did it--how she handled us growing up, growing apart, and sometimes us not being all that nice to her. Sure, we have a great relationship now but the teenage years alone were riddled with trying times. I can't imagine how hard that is on a parent when it all starts out with this pure, unapologetic outpouring of love. I hope you never treat me how I've probably treated my parents from time to time. I'm not sure my heart could take it. 
