The weird gets weirder.

For the record, I am NOT a person who typically believes/looks for signs... but seriously so many things have popped up lately, I feel like the universe is sending me a ridiculous amount of messages lately!

So we decide to name our Potters Sequence baby Jude after the patron saint of lost causes, no matter what gender. I grew up a total Beatles fanatic, so it's not long after deciding this that I take a little comfort in the song "Hey Jude," even though it was written for a very different purpose. Later I find out the song "Hey Jude" was originally released on August 26th, 1968... and we found out our bad news about Jude on the anniversary of the song 8/26/09.

On my way to my first ultrasound appointment about 6 weeks ago, Howard Stern was playing an old interview with--who? Julian Lennon, John Lennon's son and the boy "Hey Jude" was written for. Hmm... very weird.

Then I find out my due date is 10.9.10 (due date with Jude was 1.9.10).

THEN I find out that 10.9 is John Lennon's birthday.

Seriously!?! There are too many bizarre connections here and I feel like I can't really ignore them. Maybe I'll just take it as my Jude being on the other side, letting me know that she's okay and is very happy for us.

Little victories

I had a great doctor's appointment this morning. It was great for the following reasons:

- I was in/out in about 15 minutes.
- All of my bloodwork and tests (usual 1st tri stuff) from my last visit came back a-okay.
- My blood pressure was perfect
- I've gained about one pound at 10 weeks--I think that's pretty darn good!
- I'm scheduled for my NT scan on 3/31... Two weeks from tomorrow!
- I'm scheduled for our kidney function ultrasound on 4/28
- I got to hear a fabulous, strong and steady heartbeat at 160BPM!!

Needless to say, I am a smiling fool today. It's a warm and lovely day here in NEOhio, we're headed out to celebrate my BFF's 30th birthday tonight, and in general all is right with the world.

I hope more good things are on the horizon for my friends and family, too. A nice handful of my awesome friends could really use some good news. Hint, hint, universe!

I am not alone. Again.

That feeling--it's back. I finally feel it. I'll have to go back and check my archives to see when it first arrived with Jude (all I remember is the New Kids on the Block concert) but over the past day or two, I finally feel like someone is down there like a Who down in Whoville, letting me know that they're there and they care.

I hear you loud and clear, little bugger. And I'll keep doing what I can to take care of you every day for as long as you let me.

Clearly it's too early for movement or even to have a visible bump (I was also shocked to discover this morning that I haven't gained a single pound--which is bizarre because my hunger pains have me acting more than a little Al Bundy), but there's just something that's different lately. I just have this strong feeling like another soul is taking up residence in my ute, making me feel content and cozy that life is good.

Thanks, little bugger. Momma loves you and appreciates you making your presence known more than you'll ever know. XOXO

Storytelling

Last night I finally started a new pregnancy journal. I wanted this baby to have a record of it's own of our journey together, one separate from Jude's. It was weird to be writing about our reactions to finding out I am pregnant again and our first ultrasound so late after the fact, but I've got some entries planned for the near future to make up for lost time.

I had gone out journal shopping a few weeks ago and didn't find anything I liked, but then last night I remembered that someone had given me a journal after we lost Jude and had included with it these two sweet coins that said hope and love--I tied them to the ribbon bookmark in the center.

In a way, it felt like a lie to not mention Jude because their stories are so interconnected. Still, I felt it was important to start something new, to make it clear that this isn't a replacement baby or Jude 2.0. This life is indeed Baby #2, with it's own story.

Eventually I'll probably give this baby both journals, so I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm also still writing in Jude's journal fairly regularly, even though it's more for my continued healing at this point than for any other reason.

We also haven't decided when or how we'll share Jude's story with our child. But the good news is that we have a long time before we have to decide anything like that.

In the meantime, I'll just try to keep telling both of their stories.

How did I not notice this before?

Jude's EDD: 1/9/10
BabyMSC's EDD: 10/9/10