Houston, we have a really big problem

Guess what anti-drug, herbal remedy, tree-hugging hippie is about to eat her words? This one. You know, the one who suddenly got fat.

I've been all up in arms lately about how the job that I've had for almost a year now is pretty darn sedentary, so I had gained a pound or two over the course of the past year. But then the previous two months happened and suddenly I'm up another 6-7 lbs! I've always maintained a really consistent weight and if I've felt myself creep up at all, I just watch extra closely and get some exercise and it stops. But not this time. I'm currently 5 lbs over my highest weight ever.

And what really pisses me off? I eat really g-dang healthy. Like nothing but veggies, fruit and raw nuts during the day and then a sensible, meat-free dinner. Now in what cruel world is a person such as this punished by weight gain and an unsightly bulge whilst trying to seduce her husband each evening?

So when I really sit down and think about the only culprits there could be over the past two months, I have to look to my herbal remedy recipe. I don't know which one could have done it (vitex or soy), but let's just say that I'm angry with them over it.

And that's where I turn to you, dear interwebs. What are your experiences? I can't seem to find anything helpful online (I graduated Google Medical and still can't find anything worthwhile), so I need to hear from you.

Until then, I'll be combating this by signing up for body sculpting classes, walking at lunch, etc, but I could really use some help. My gut, my tight pants, and DH thank you in advance.

xoxo,
MSC

Comical

Hello there friends, chart stalkers, and internet creepies,

97.18 reported in for duty again this morning and my OV-Watch has declared it "Less Fertile Day 1." My thoughts? Oh well, what can ya' do?

Really, it's no biggie. I'm shocked that I'm already on CD22 (and I actually had to look because I knew I was in the 20's, but didn't know the exact date... Yay for me not being obsessive!) so who knows? Even if I O on CD65, maybe I won't be so crabby about it this time. It also buys me some time to vacation shop and think about getting my non-KU self into bikini shape for this summer. (Yeah. It could happen.)

Well, O, whenever you wanna come out to play, you know where to find me! *wanders off into the garden*

It'll happen in good time, my pretties. All in good time...

My admirer is back.

97.18 popped over to say hello this morning. Apparently it missed me. I feel so loved!

This becomes non-good news because it means that I didn't ovulate yesterday. Today is OV-Day 2, so it's OV-Watch's last day to give a correct reading. It also sucks because DH and I stayed up way past our bedtimes in order to commemorate the (potential) ovulation with a quality romp.

That meant that this morning I was completely exhausted, woke up late, forgot both deodorant and face lotion, and was totally late to work. What can I say? I am a petite flower who needs her beauty rest and when I don't get it, I'm a real wet rag.

Last (but not least) I would like to continue the parade of congratulatory praise and well wishes for mandee from GP for her long awaited BFP--4 or so years in the making! xoxo and truck load of sticky dust!

OV-Day 1 = FAIL

Yeah, so that Fertile Day 4 reading? You know, the one that was supposed to motivate me to rock DH's world last night? Well, apparently that will was not as strong as the will to fall asleep while reading Artie Lange's biography, "Too Fat to Fish" last night.

DH had announced he was going to bed early, so I offered to join him. I went upstairs, read for awhile, and he didn't appear. This morning he reported that when he came up at 10, I was dead to the world.

Then this morning, as I awoke and saw the OV-Day 1 reading on my watch, I reached out, hoping for a little good morning greeting... only to find that he was out of bed already. (insert, "Booo!" here)

I went downstairs and showed him the reading, as he was getting ready for work and he asked if that meant that I needed to see him upstairs. He seemed a little nervous - I didn't know if it was because of the pressure of the situation or because he was running late for his early work time, but I just said that it meant that if we didn't head upstairs this morning, that we should later this afternoon. His call, no pressure.

I read another chapter of Artie's book as I listened to him turning on the shower.

*sigh* I fail at this. I've had the greatest intentions of hitting every fertile day and possibly twice on OV-days... but I suck apparently.

Girls who like boys

I come from a family of three girls, so I used to think that I could only imagine myself with a girl--but last month something happened that changed my way of envisioning my (phantom) future. Do you remember the Valentine's Day drawing DH made me--it's him holding our two cats and it just said, "Happy Valentine's Day from your boys."

Anyway, there was something about being the mother hen to a this funny, rowdy bunch of boys that suddenly warmed my heart. Since then when I think about having kids, I smile at both the idea of either gender instead of just naturally envisioning a girl.

Oh, and I totally went out and bought that "Daddy's Little Skipper" shirt that I posted awhile ago. And we were at World Market and they had this pirate hooded towel that DH picked up with this look on his face and I just about melted. I was tempted to go back and buy it to hide it away, but it was $20, looked a little cheap, and I just couldn't justify the purchase. I will not be someone who stockpiles cute things (if I can help it).

So I'm sitting here at my desk, daydreaming about one last magical Christmas season of it being just me and DH, rubbing my KU belly and dreaming about our future. It's so dang romantic that it makes me *almost* want to TTA for the next few weeks... But I'm not that stupid, nor do I operate in a dream world and I will gladly accept a baby whenever fate would like to send one my way. So the BD'ing continues!

Today is Fertile Day 4 on my OV-Watch (it has been counting from 1-4). Then it will give me two days of ovulation reading and two post-ovulation days. So we will see shortly if the dang thing works, or if it can be faked out. I'm just going to try to keep myself nice and calm and relatively distracted to avoid delaying ovulation. I have a busy enough week with fun plans every night, but I promise to be a good little girl and not throw off my temps.

*Points at chart*Sigh* I know, I know, you chart stalkers are probably ready to kill me, but I've been having so much fun! There have been nights of fun, disrupted sleep, and let's not forget the few bottles of wine that have been consumed along the way. But with O potentially approaching, I'm back on the wagon. I've had my fun (and it was awesome!)

The Zen cycle

So if my first cycle was all anxious and pressured in my newbie glory, this one is my Zen cycle. Seriously, I'm so calm and peaceful about this whole thing that I'm even shocking myself.

Last cycle I was just so unbelievably stressed by the fear of the unknown (can/will I ovulate?) and the pressure of turning 30 in October and wanting to become a mom at 29... but really? What's the difference of a couple of months or a year? No biggie, right?

I think the other part of this is that while I'd be happy with a baby at any time, I think I would enjoy one last Christas/New Year's of just me and DH. I know that's terribly selfish, but I can really see us ringing in the new year, drinking in that it's our last one with it being just the two of us. Now if that date rolls around and things still haven't worked out I'm probably going to be pretty sad about it, but for now, I'm holding onto that vision.

My OV-Watch says I'm on Fertile day 3. I'm still not sure if this is going to accurately predict ovulation for me, but we'll be knocking the boots for the next few days just in case.

Doubled over with laughter at FF

I haven't hit the "discard" button to get rid of those CH's because I'm waiting to see just how long it takes FF to figure that it's out of it's friggin' mind. There is no way in heaven, hades, or this warming blue planet that I O'd on CD8.

But I will take any O date before CD65, thankyouverymuch!

This is great - I can almost tune it out

Wow--what an entirely different attitude I have this cycle. I'm not checking my CM and CP every hour on the hour and I even forgot my thermometer at home when I went to the IL's this weekend. I just feel such a pressure lifted now that the first cycle is over with.

I just feel more calm, collected and content (alliteration gets me hot). We'll take this one day at a time, try not to lose steam, and see what happens.

Attacked!

I was attacked last night--by my OV-Watch, that is!

I think one of my sensors on my OV-Watch is drying out already, so last night I let it sit on some water for a few minutes, then I reattached. When I tested it right away, it worked, but then I'd wait an hour or so and test again and it wasn't working.

I did a longer soak and then it would only work when I pressed down on the face. I tightened the band a bit and went to bed.

But then I woke up at 6:00 a.m. to this (or something similar--I stole this from Google Images, but it's probably pretty similar in level of swelling)... If I hadn't just read about this happening in an Amazon.com review, I probably would've freaked out. I could not believe that my hand had swollen so much!

So I took off the watch, shook my hand and massaged it for awhile and then kept waking up to check on it.

If anyone is chart stalking me, pay no attention to this morning's temp. My cats were all over the place, waking me up, I had this random swollen hand, and OH YEAH! I drank an entire bottle of wine last night! LOL! It was a delicious French Cote du Rhone red that I spread out over several hours (like 5) so I didn't get bombed, but I certainly drank the whole thing myself.

Today is my last day of soy, so it turns out that I did 2 days of 80mg and three days of 120. I've decided to take it as a positive that I got all mixed up on my amounts (and I had a few times that I suddenly couldn't remember what cycle day I was on) because it shows that I'm not obsessing.

I'm off to go to a baby shower today. It'll be fine--I'm just crossing my fingers that I know more people than the mom-to-be and DH's ex girlfriend, who I think will be there. This didn't bother me at first, but then DH mentioned a few times that he thought it was weird that I was going to go (the dad to be was one of our groomsmen and I adore this girl, why would I not go?) Then I was standing in the gift wrap aisle, completely overthinking if I should go festive and gender neutral (so I could use the rest of the wrapping paper roll for another shower), traditional boy, or really trendy.

It was at that moment that I realized that I was trying to be Little Miss Perfect because I knew she'd be there. I immediately gave myself a mental bitch-slap and walked up to the counter with the gender neutral paper. Screw it. I'm better than that!

I am, however, wearing my amazing pink Burberry skirt, heels, and accessorizing the gift with gorgeous satin ribbon and a silk flower. Eat that! ;-)

Enrolling in the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good

I feel like this is deja vu (all over again!) Seriously, how is it that I can't keep the simplest of tasks in my tiny little brain?

When I started to take my soy supplement CD5-9, I gave myself a little pep talk that I wouldn't screw it up like I did last time by only going for 4 days instead of 5. I also had decided to up my amount, so I looked at the back of the bottle and read that it was 80mg per pill, so I should take two. I thought to myself that this was odd, I thought I had taken 2 pills last time but I looked at it again and it said 80mg. I looked back in my blog archives and it didn't say.

I even went back and re-Googled and read online about how much people took (usually between 80-200mg) and thought that 2 pills was definitely sufficient.

That is, until this morning when I turned the bottle as I went to put it back on the shelf and saw the front of it said in HUGE EFFING LETTERS,
"40mg." It was then that I realized that when I kept double checking the bottle, I had been reading the back label which said it was 80mg per serving--but 2 pills per serving. FAIL!!

Whatever. I've been taking 80mg. It won't kill me. At least I wasn't OD'ing on the stuff, right? I took an extra one this morning and I'll take one tomorrow for 2 days of a 120mg serving.

Seriously, though. Why do I fail at this?

As a side note, I do have to report that as soon as my period stopped and I started the soy, I've been getting tons of watery CM. I know you don't really want to know this but I think now it's confirmed that if I don't write it down, I WILL GET IT WRONG NEXT TIME! WTF?

xoxo,
MSC

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

Well, while I was surfing the crimson wave, I subconsciously decided to take a mini vaycay from blogging, as I see that I haven't posted in a handful of days. It's so unusual for me to not report in my every single emotion and feeling.

But enough about me. Let's talk about you. Are you okay? Did you miss me terribly? Shit, there I go again with the talking about me again. *le sigh* What can ya do?

Well, I guess that only leaves me with talking about myself again. It's CD5 and I'm doing the soy isoflavones (I did 1 pill daily last time with no side effects or issues, so I'm bumping it up to 2 this cycle) for CD5-9 again and taking vitex daily. My most recent concern is how short my periods are (about 3 days long, 2 light, 1 medium, and then scant spotting yesterday), but I'm not letting it bother me. I'm also using the OV-Watch and I really should go get back into the tea thing.

So my wish for this cycle is just to ovulate earlier than CD60. I'm not feeling stressed at all and I definitely feel a ton of pressure lifted that I had last cycle. In fact, I think I'd be really happy with a 2010 baby, so this whole "last cycle to have a 2009 baby" thing isn't affecting me at all.

I'm just so grateful to know that I'm not broken... I *can* ovulate and one day this will work out. That's good enough for me!

Happy CD1 to me!

Sound the alarms! Ring the bell! Start the parade!

Hooray for The Cycle That Will Not End actually ending! YAY ME!!!!!!!!

Three more days...

Wow. Is this chart overlay thing like eerily accurate or what?

Yay for moving onto cycle #2! I'll be really happy if this stays on track and she arrives in two days. While I'd always like for her to bump it up and arrive early, it would be nice for me to have some part of my cycle that's consistent!

Happy Thursday, everyone!

PS - 97.18? Welcome back! I (kinda) missed you!

I'll tumble for ya

As expected, my temps continued to decline this morning. I kept waking up between 3:00-6:00, just long enough to look at the clock or push the cat off of my face, but enough that I'm sure if I would have slept peacefully that my temp would have been even lower.

Ironically, today FF decided to award me 5 days of VIP service--5 days too late in my book! We'll just be hanging out, my VIP service and I, having a drink and waiting for AF. Furthermore, it's stupid that his free trial doesn't give me access to searching their chart gallery--so it's pretty much useless to me.

That said, the chart overlay feature helped me to confirm for all of you that this is the end of the road for Cycle #1. Can you believe that Cycle 1 started on Dec. 18th? Pray tell, how many cycles have most of you TTC'ers been through since Dec. 18th?

Anyway, I have to say that I feel really good about ovulating, which makes me infinitely less anxious about next cycle. There's been a huge pressure lifted now that there's no chance that I can have a baby before my 30th birthday. I feel a little more confident in my chart reading abilities and that I'm on a good path with vitex, soy, and fertilitea until I pursue acupuncture later this spring.

So I've done my laundry and all of my black underwear is ready to go for AF's arrival later this week. Also, my sister is having an 80's prom party this Saturday, so I'll be having guilt-free cocktails all evening.

Speaking of which, I got my costume last night! I was going for a Jem look, but it's actually kinda Misfits because I found this amazing/awful purple silk wrap dress and Jem was all pink. It'll be a nice parting gift since I wasn't the grand prize winner.

Anyway, for those of you die-hards who are still thinking "It could still happen!" type thoughts, I POAS this morning so that Jenn can sleep tonight (and I got to say I told you so!) and here's my chart for confirmation:

Can you bounce wit me, bounce wit me

Hey there, temps! Are you having a good time? It looks like you're enjoying a fine progesterone roller coaster o' fun. I've added illustrated lightening bolts to my chart for emphasis, I hope you enjoy them.

Now I shall record my phantom symptoms of the month, so that in future months when I'm feeling optimistic I can come back here for a reality check, knowing that these are just LP/AF's arrival symptoms.

My boobs are huge (for me), painful, and hard as rocks. One of my friends even commented on them last night, which was pretty funny (he's gay). I had pink tinged CM on Friday night, along with one darker, more concentrated spot of pink. Sunday I had some weird cramping, but it went away quickly.

I haven't been voraciously hungry, like I usually am. And I eat a ton of fruits and vegetables and I've been sorta constipated for the past two days. I have an all fruit and veggie meal plan for the day, so that should kick start things.

I've always been a gagger when I brush my teeth and DH bought a different kind of toothpaste (I hate gel!!), so I've been gagging for the past 4 days or so.

Today marks 11DPO and because my temps started a descent today, I resisted testing. When I got up this morning, I thought to myself that I should grab one, but then I gave myself a stern talking to and reality check and I marched myself to the potty as fast as I could to rid myself of FMU. YAY ME, right?

I'm expecting my temp to tumble tomorrow based on the only LP reference that I have. I'll keep you posted.

Dear Chart,

Dear Chart,

I know that I've been hard on you. I mean--let's not kid ourselves--it's been a long road to get here. 65 days to ovulate is a wee bit ridiculous--especially since most of my GP buddies and blogs that I stalk are on their third cycle by now--and some already with BFP's. Not to rag on you, but sometimes your slowness makes me feel like a serious underacheiver.

But let's not dwell on that. Let's talk about how great you're doing! I'm so proud of those rising temps and that we're on 10DPO and still going strong. The only other cycle that I have an estimated O date gave me a 16 day LP, but I'm not sure if that's even accurate, so I will be very happy to confirm that I have a nice, long LP. I mean, it's not like I expect O to occur and suddenly you're Speedy Gonzales, but at least in this instance, the fact that you're a wee bit more Slow Poke Rodriguez is now a good thing.