Life is what happens to you while you were busy making other plans

So I've mentioned that I'm feeling good now that I've ovulated--and my temps keep going up, so I'm no longer questioning my CH's. Whoohoo!

DH and I had a few nice, long talks over last weekend. On Friday we discussed the options out there for next cycle - try it again naturally, check out acupuncture, or see my RE. I explained to him what each of these options meant.

He expressed some concern about seeing my RE, knowing that he'll just push for clomid, which DH would really, really, like to pursue as a last resort. And I agree with him--we're sorta crunchy like that and since we just started and don't have extreme baby fever, we're willing to give this awhile to work.

We had a wonderful weekend together working on projects, hanging out, etc. By Sunday I'd come up with a nice mental plan that I shared with him and we're both very comfortable with.

We're going to do another cycle naturally--just doing the herbs and teas that I've been doing. Since my cycles have been in this 70 range, that will take us through March and April for sure.

I'm also cracking down on my diet and going vegan (however, I'm saving one meal a week in case I want to have dinner with friends and this can't be accommodated). In all honesty, I'm hoping to drop a few pounds during this time to make myself feel a little bit more comfortable in my own skin. Plus I'm going to try to add some sort of workout regimen.

I'd then like to reward this hard work with a vacation (I don't want to jinx myself with the word "babymoon" but let's just call a spade a spade, mmkay?) in April or May and when we return, pursue acupuncture.

I don't feel a need to make plans beyond that--not because I think that I won't need them, but because who knows how I will feel at that point.

You know how I said I'd been feeling embarassed about TTC and the guilt that I've been having because I don't have baby fever? Well, I'm feeling better about both of those items. I feel really great about the path that we're on. Dare I say that I actually feel excited about this now? I think ovulating has given me the glimmer of hope that I needed.

Thanks for listening, interwebs.
xoxo,
MrsSC

First clear ovulation photographs

While this is probably not safe for work viewing, this is totally fascinating if you ask me.

Not what I pictured at all, but still very cool! I wonder how far away the fallopian tubes are and how the egg finds its way there. I also thought that ovaries could mature several follicles, but only one would release the egg--so I guess I'm surprised not to see other follicles. What would an ovary look like if that egg wasn't released and it was turned into a cyst?

Or maybe I'm just a wee bit too fascinated by this?

But I would like to point at these photos and proudly shout from the rooftops, "MY OVARIES DID THIS, TOO!!"

Okay, I give up. I'm convinced

Dear FF and ovaries,

Now that I'm finally giving into your crosshairs, I would like to ask that you not mess with me this time. I'm content that I ovulated, even though there's no chance of conceiving with our timing so I'd really appreciate it if you'd just let me have my glory.

I am not throwing myself a pity party over timing. In fact, I feel really great about the plans that DH and I have been talking about (and which I'll share shortly). Don't get me wrong, an immaculate conception BFP would be welcomed to our home, but there's zero expectation for it.

And if you could just ease up on this boobie pressure, that would be great. DH hugged me last night and I sorta wanted to die. I'm sleeping in a bra and I'm walking around my house holding my boobs. It's ridiculous.

Still not convinced

I'm not sure at what point I'll actually believe my CH's - my temp was up again today, but my cats started waking me up about a 1/2 hour early so I might need to check that sleep deprived box. Also, when it was time to temp, I realized my thermometer had fallen off of my nightstand and it took me about 30 seconds to locate it.

So I was thinking about these factors while I was in the shower, so when I went back upstairs, I temped again to see how much it had risen over the past 20 minutes of being up and it was exactly the same.

It's funny. At the beginning of this cycle, I was on here trying to convince all of you that I had O'd and now I'm on here asking you to believe that I didn't. It's funny how things work, yes?

The biggest factor that has me thinking that I did is that my boobs feel like they're going to freaking explode! For the two days before my temp rise, I had a tingly sensation, but then the day of the temp rise the pain set in full force and they get more painful and heavier (but not any bigger, dammit!) each day.

But who knows.

Don't believe the hype. Yet.

*stares at chart*

Yeah, I'm not convinced.

Sure, it's a nice temp rise. I mean, I'm not one to knock the possibility of a functional babymaker. I mean, I think we all know I'd be the first one to set up a parade in my living room if I thought an egg could be released from my cyst-ridden ovaries.

So at the risk of being crowned MrsDebbie Downer, I think we should recognize and take heed of the the mounting evidence against me:

- It's barely above the coverline.
- I drank both Friday and Saturday night. Now, I didn't get bombed or go to bed even tipsy, but I think both nights I was in the 3-4 drink range (spread out over a few hours).
- Sat and Sun nights DH had our space heater on in our room. While I didn't get excessively hot, I wonder if the air in the room could affect my temp that slightly.
- Let's not fool ourselves. This has happened before (CD's 20 & 35).

The only evidence in favor of these CH's being even moderately factual is that my CM has totally dried up, my CP is low and closed (so far), and my boobs feel like they're going to explode. Isn't that a sign of the progesterone phase of the cycle? Or am I imagining that I read that somewhere?

And FYI, if this indeed was the real deal, our timing was completely non-existent, as we only BD'd the morning of my temp rise. And seriously, I'm not upset about this at all. If indeed it turns out to be an O, I'm gonna be dancing in the streets based on this fact alone.

I'm not gonna lie, though. It feels good to see 3DPO next to my ticker. It makes me feel like a 2nd or 3rd string player instead of just sitting on the sidelines.

"How do I know if I have a fertility problem?"

You know how FF always posts a "helpful faq" (note Airquotes Of Anger) when you enter in your data for the day? Well, mine was less than helpful this past week.

How do I know if I have a fertility problem?



Your doctor can help you determine whether or not you have a fertility problem. You should seek your doctor's help if you are concerned about any aspect of your health or fertility, if you suspect you could have a fertility problem or if your timeframe for conception does not allow you to wait.

While you should seek help whenever you are concerned, and not all issues can be seen on your chart, there are some things that you may see on your chart that should be discussed with your doctor:

-charts that show no ovulation detected
-no period
-delayed ovulation and no pregnancy over several cycles
-ambiguous charts with unclear ovulation patterns over several cycles
-charts that show very high temperatures throughout the cycle
-charts that show very low temperatures throughout the cycle
-charts that clearly show luteal phase is consistently shorter than 10 days
-post-ovulation high temperatures for more than 18 days with no period and no positive pregnancy test
-unexplained mid-cycle bleeding or spotting
-extended menstrual bleeding
-temperature does not show clear shift over several cycles
-charts show a clear ovulation pattern, well-timed intercourse and no pregnancy over several cycles
-scant or no fertile cervical fluid over several cycles
-no pregnancy after trying to conceive for several cycles
-anything that is causing you concern

What kind of fertility tea do you drink?

I don't know if you've noticed, but I try to be a bit of a health nut. It's served me well over the past year or so and I definitely feel the difference. Granted, I do fall off of the wagon, but usually it's pretty easy to get back on and I just feel so much better when I'm eating healthy.

So whilst at my local organic food market, I purchased some Women's Liberty Tea from Traditional Medicinals. It's mostly licorice root, wild yam, don quai root, fo-ti ruber (WTF?), angelica root and then a small blend of sweet orange peel, ginger, cinnamon, and clove.

The labeling says that it promotes a healthy hormone balance (whoo hoo!) by combining herbs to suport the production and regulation of hormones and that it's formulated according to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM henceforth) to nourish and warm the blood and regular menses.

Dong quai comes up a lot in TCM anovulatory articles, but it seems that it's something that really should be administered by a herbalist, but the teas are pretty light in how much you're actually consuming, so I thought I would add it to the routine. I can't say that I'm in love with the taste, but it's way better than the colon cleanse tea that I tried to choke down last year. ICK!

So what tea do you drink?

Your thoughts: A poll for my gentle readers

I'm well over the 2 month marker since my last period, so I'm getting to the point that I need to decide what to do next.

My choices at this point are to:

1) Wait it out and see what happens (which could be another month or so).

2) Fill my prescription for provera to induce a period (which is what I suspect threw off my cycle in October--but of course I can't prove this. I had been pretty regular at about 38-40 days until I took that and the next cycle was 73 days)

After that decision is made, the next decision would be to:

1) give it another natural shot to let things happen

2) consult a natural health specialist and look into more herbal supplements or acupuncturee

3) call my dr. for a consultation

I've been fairly inclined to talk to a natural health specialist considering the good things I've been reading about it. I called two today to get an idea of how things work and what they run. One of them costs $175 for an initial consultation and testing to get your hormone levels. They seemed to really know their shit.

Acupuncture runs $70/visit or 10 visits for $500. So the whole natural health route seems more expensive than I initially thought it would be, but I guess in the grand scheme of things, the last round of tests that I had with my RE easily ran me $500 with copays and deductibles.

What would you do, gentle readers? Poll's on the right.

Crazy is as crazy does

AF *MUST* show up soon. This is not negotiable. Something or someone has taken over my body and I want them to kindly leave, please!!

I'm generally a happy-go-lucky kind of person, but yesterday I had a mood swing hit me that made me want to MURDER SOMEONE! Death and destruction! Violence and fires! RRRRRAAAAWWWWWRRRR! *RIPS SHIRT, BEATS CHEST*

Phew! I think that was either a flashback or some residual anger. I think I'm okay now.

Anyway, it started innocently enough...

I made us omelets for dinner and they turned out crappy (I had some Velveeta leftover in our fridge from a recipe for a party, so I threw it in and HOLY HELL IS THAT STUFF DISGUSTING! NEVER AGAIN!)

So I was grossed out by the taste and Dh took one bite and stopped dead in his tracks. I don't know if he was even chewing or breathing, but I was just waiting to hear what he'd say. Usually when I have a cooking mistake we laugh about it and instead he was so silent that it made me feel terribly judged and like he was questioning my sanity in what I put into it. Sure, that's okay for me to do but I just wanted a little, "Aww, honey! Thanks for the effort!" which I didn't get.

Well, that sent me over the edge.

Next thing you know, I'm angrily cooking up crepes (can one actually cook up a delicate french confection with anger? YES, I SAY! Indubitably!) and I totally burn mine, make his too thick, so by the time I got to make myself another he was sitting at the dining room table, just starting at me in the kitchen in disbelief. I seriously had to eat standing up in the kitchen with my back turned to him because I was afraid that if I made eye contact with him I was going to accidentally set him on fire and thus, be responsible for his untimely death. And who would care for the cats while I'm in jail and he's 6 feet under, pray tell?

To make me sound even more insane, I also feel compelled to share with you that while I was waiting for the crepes to cook in the pan, I seriously just wanted to start beating the stove with the spatula and then pick up the pan and start beating the stove with it as well. Until it was dented and bruised, like my precious brain was feeling. It was one of those moments that I just needed the house to myself and my anger and there was no way that I was going to get that.

So mood swings? Could ya let up a bit? I am *not* this person. Dh did nothing wrong. I was overwhelmed by hormones and was totally incapacitated by their strength.

WTF, I say! WTF?

An open dialogue...

In reference to yesterday's posts, here are my replies to your comments.

Angie,

We are totally in the same boat! A year and a half ago I was saying, "Let's sell our worldly possessions and become citizens of the world! Who needs a house and babies" but yet last spring I was trying desperately to change jobs for a more family-friendly environment.

And sometimes I still look at my DH and think, I love our life right now. I love having the time and energy to do special things for him. To throw parties for our friends. I love that I can be counted on to add special touches to things or make events more special.

But will that actually go away? Or will it just become less important to me?

Will I wake up at 50 and think, Dang it! I'm not hot anymore and I don't know what I've been doing for the past 20 years. And who is this guy next to me? Why does he look like an aging Mark Wahlberg?

But I also think some of my mental teeter tottering is a coping mechanism for if shit *does* go wrong. If things don't work out.

And I don't know that feeling in your heart to gaze at your own child or hear them say I love you mommy. I don't miss what I don't have... yet.

###

Blue,
Whoohoo! New commenter! *Kisses!*

I think it's all about if that friend can be trusted and if they'll annoy the crap out of your or understand--and if you're ready to share? I'm not of the mindset that it needs to be absolutely secret and that no one has the right to ask you ever (I'm not that harsh. I think there's a time, place, and sensitivity level that should be observed.)

###

Boxie,
It is hard. It keeps everything at an arm's length. It's weird to want to have a chance to fail--and we're sorta being cheated out of that if we can't friggin' ovulate.

Then again, we're being saved from disappointment after disappointment (we're just in one big disappointment) and it's probably a bit easier for us to forget about it and go about our daily lives since we don't have our hopes up.

I think it just sucks for everyone.

###

Lady,
What is it about TTC that makes me feel like a dirty, unwed teen? Is it all of those years of making out the back of cars? Of hiding sex from our parents, siblings and some friends? Is it just that we're trained that sex is dirty and we just can't get over it? "WTF," I say! WTF?

And the isolation thing is a vicious cycle--THANK JEEBUS GOD for GP! A whole bunch of ladies to chat it up with, obsess, and ask our stupid questions. And if we're sick of them, we log off and vice versa. It's a win-win!

###

Katy,
I wish I had your obsession for motherhood. I carry this guilt that I don't have this pull in my heart and I don't know why it's not as natural for me. I feel guilty that I'm in this TTC club, but I can't chime in when people say how much they want it. I want it, don't get me wrong. But I'm not bitter, upset, or obsessed.

Well, at the same time I see how it would make TTC worse for me to want it so badly and so openly. The last 64(? I'll have to check my ticker) would have been all the more traumatic.

<-- Recovering Catholic, here. I'm all about the guilt.

###

Melania,
I'm glad I'm not alone in this DEFLECT! DEFLECT! game of cat and mouse. It's just easier to divert than to deal with it head-on.

###

Mrs Bro,
I'd love to have a close friend to confide in--but seriously, nobody I'm close with IRL is in the same boat as me. We're all still at pretty different life stages--some single/dating/newly married/got KTFU without trying/not having kids... It's all over the place. I actually have 2 friends who know for various reasons (*waves*), but it's just not their bag.

Who I really wish I could tell is my sisters. They're my BFF's and they know me so ridiculously well, but I just can't bring myself to do it. They just wouldn't get it.

###

Lindsay,
I'm so glad that you get where I'm coming from on this and feel my pain. Why is it so hard to admit? Why does it feel embarassing?

###

To the rest of my readers,
Join in the conversation. I think this is a good one!

Anyone feel embarassed?

Does anyone feel embarrassed admitting that they're TTC? Like admitting that you want it is embarrassing?

I've been feeling that way lately--you know, amidst sorting out this plethora of feelings that I seem to have. I saw a friend from college the other day who is expecting and she asked if we were ready yet (in a very polite, encouraging and friend-like manner) and I immediately launched into my usual "OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING?!" shtick that I use to ward off the barrage of pressure that I've gotten from people over the years.

I don't know if it's because of the possibility of failure, the fact that I've joked that I'm not ready with people to ward them off and how they'll take my change of heart, fear that someone wouldn't understand my situation, or if it's that I'm just not ready to talk about it yet.

I feel very alone in this and could use someone else telling me it's okay...

That's where you come in, Internet Friends: Tell me your feelings.

I totally understand if you feel compelled to buy this for me.

Since I can't buy this for myself and put it away (because that's weird), I want you to understand that you can go ahead and buy this for me. I mean, you know it's totally cute and totally appropriate for my wannabe-fisherman husband, our nautical little love cottage house, and my little ticker schooner.

But you know, since I'm all crunchy (aka ecological and economical), maybe I should just pick it up at Old Navy and put it somewhere safe.

You know, to save you the shipping...

Was it something I said?

Don't go! Was it too soon? Did I say too much? Did I scare you off?

Ahh, little boat, little boat... My precious schooner ticker! I fear that if you sail too much farther, you might just fall off of the face of the planet and we don't want that, do we? So seriously, dude--let's ovulate or menstruate. It's your choice. You just have to pick one or the other.

Oh, and for those of you who were completely grossed out by yesterday's post (and yes, there were literally HUNDREDS of you sick little puppies who read about my bladder and turds yesterday), I just want to say that you can rest assurred that I will hold nothing back from you. At least you know that with MrsSC, you'll get honesty and a wee bit of sarcasm.

Now if only my cycle was that dependable...

TMI to end all TMI's: You've been warned.

A GP question today (what I've learned charting) led me to decide to disclose to you something that I discovered this week in checking my cervical position. I share this with you for no other reason than I am completely insane. So if you're weak stomached or think your vagina is disgusting, I suggest you wander on to someone else's blog.

That said, I will probably still regret this. But I keep telling myself that if my discovery can help just one TTC'er, it's worth it. (RIGHT?) And this blog is anonymous and with moderated comments, so plbbbbt!

So I usually check my CP right before I pee because I'm all icked out at the idea of shoving my finger up my hole with all of that fresh urine having just exited the vicinity. Well, yesterday morning I had to pee so badly that I barely had a moment to check my CP and I thought to myself, WOW! That is super high! WTH? I could also feel a swelling coming from the front of my body.

After I peed, I thought about it and decided to check again and it was WAY lower! The swelling was gone as well. So I guess I now totally understand why pregnant women pee themselves so often. LOL

Are you disgusted? Ready to run for the hills? Well, fasten those seatbelts because I'm about to take that TMI and raise you ONE MILLION TMI's! 'Cause this one is really groty!

So last week I was rushing to check before I had my morning poo and as I reached up, I thought to myself, No way. I cannot feel a turd through the back of my vag wall... can I?

Guess what? YES YOU CAN! Awesome, right?

So that's what I've learned about my body since charting. If you don't want to be my friend anymore, I understand.

Dear chart,

Please allow me to explain this to you. My tribute to 97.18 was meant to be a SATIRE, not an invitation to stay at that temperature indefinitely. Because seriously? That was just like rubbing salt in a wound this morning.

To further illustrate this point, I'm going to have to get visual on you, as rhetoric apparently isn't doing the job.

You're supposed to look line this:


NOT THIS:

Thankyouverymuchly,
MrsSC

PS - This morning DH gave me an adorable drawing of him and our two beautiful cats and it said, "Happy Valentine's Day, from your boys." It was so freaking adorable and sweet and it kinda simultaneously warmed and broke my heart, knowing that it's a very real possibility that it'll still just be the three of them in next year's drawing.

PSS - Congratulations to my BFPB, JennandAustin, on her BFP today--I am so excited for you!

97.18

I don't know what's up with this, but it appears that my BBT has fallen hopelessly in love with the temperature 97.18, as I've had that exact temp NINE TIMES this cycle. And we're not talking "same temp nine times in a row, so for the love of god change your batteries," I mean this sucker is appearing all over the place--and it probably appeared well before I realized that FF accepted temps to the .00 degree. My bad.

So what is it about 97.18 that my body adores so much? Is that the perfect temperature to *not* make a baby at? Is it my cat's body temperature and every night he snuggles with me, I'm warmed to that point? Seriously, people!

I've already shared with you how laughable having a normal cycle is at this point and CD70 will be upon us shortly, so now I must A)decided for realsies that I'm willing to call this cycle a failure B) mourn the fact that there is no way in Boca that I could give birth before my 30th birthday C) think about how I feel about using provera to induce a period (since I suspect that's what threw off my semi-regular cycles in the first place) and D) try to remember which pharmacy I have a prescription for provera with...

So while I'm preoccupied sorting all of that out, I'll simultaneously and giving my ovaries one.last.shot. to reach for the stars! 'Cause at this point, I'm just comin' in on a wing and a prayer...

My Ovaries: An Illustrated Chart of Failure

For your viewing pleasure, I have decided to decode and analyze my chart for you. If you're just joining us, this might be a helpful summary of how the past two months of TTC have gone.


So we started out with the holiday craziness and too much boozing, was quickly faked out by the most realistic fake ovulation ever created by jesusgod, followed by a few weeks of annoyance, another fakeout that I refused to believe (go me!), then a tumultuous up and down. It leveled out just a wee bit while on soy isoflavones Thurs-Sun. I was hoping to have a nice jump today, but alas... Still didn't happen.

I'm sure you'll also notice how quickly I gave up on OPK's and the bitter dry spell where there was no baby dancing going on. You'll have that.

CD57, my little schooner continues to sail. I think I'll give it to CD70 to turn the tide.

My watchful pot

So Sunday was the last day that I took soy isoflavones--stupidly thinking that I had read that you take it for 4 days, but when I was just rereading some articles, it said 5. Oh well. What can you do? Who knows if it can even help me out this late in my cycle, anyway?

So since I stopped taking the soy, I've noticed an increased amount of CM, now bordering back and forth between creamy and wet. I've been teetering between the two but the volume is WAY up. Let's hope that means there could be an O in sight.

I've also been continually feeling twingles on my righthand side near where I can only assume that my ovary resides, although I cannot confirm this detail. I've been feeling these pangs off and on throughout my cycle, usually right around when I have an increase in CM. So god only knows what's going on.

I had a big temp jump this morning, but I think it's due to the following items:
Ah) Drinking 3 glasses of wine last night
Bah) Falling asleep on the couch and not waking up to move upstairs to bed until 3:15 a.m... when I wake to temp at 6:00 on the nose. BOOOO!
Cah) Waking up a few times, but only long enough to glance at the clock and pass out again.

At any rate, we'll see what my temp decides to do tomorrow. Our timing wouldn't be ideal, but I'd take it! It would be just in time--today is the very last day that my entire fertility friend chart will fit on my computer screen--I'd like some CH's to appear! LOL

Stay tuned, kiddies!

Holding back

I've said before that I don't feel the baby fever that others describe. I have felt it before (years ago) but now I seem to have developed this guilt which hangs in the back of my head that I don't feel it. I don't want to cry at baby commercials. I've never cried at a BFN. I don't stalk the baby section at Target. It's rare that I feel one of those longings that makes my uterus hurt.

I spend a lot of time exploring these feelings, and recently I feel like I've come up with some answers for them.

While I was excited to finally get on the same page with DH in order to start to TTC, I feel like I've been robbed of that newbie rush and excitement because I already knew that trouble loomed ahead. It's almost like I've been approaching this as more of a "science experiment" than an exciting new step in our life together, so I feel a little cheated in this respect. Like I was robbed of my TTC innocence.

Last week I met my little sister for a dinner and a glass of wine(okay--a bottle, but we split it and didn't finish it!) and I suddenly had this desire to tell her that we're TTC--but of course, I resisted. And it was through my mental back-and-forth on if I should tell her or not that I realized some things.

Earlier in my blog, I tried to explain my feelings about hiding this from my family and my answer was that they wouldn't understand. Then I realized that I've been avoiding my family a bit. My current analysis is that I was hiding from my family because I knew that I'd want to tell them--and they would be excited, but I wouldn't--for several reasons.

First is that they would be really excited and supportive, but they truly wouldn't understand. They would try to make me feel better with those blanket statements about how I won't know until I try, I come from a long line of Fertiles, etc.

Second is that they would think it's weird that I'm not excited. I feel embarrassed that I'm not. I'm sad that I'm not optimistic at the present moment. I also think that I'm holding some of my emotions and maternal desires at bay as a self-preservation measure. It's like I won't let myself "go there."

Lastly, is the realistic side of me that knows that I would then need to manage their expectations and their disappointment would only exacerbate mine--and I have enough on my own with these long cycles and lack of O. And heck, CD54 already feels like a long time to me and I still haven't O'd or gotten AF, so it would seem like ages to them as well--like they'd expect more things to be going on.

A post over on Dooce.com the other day really got to me. It was her month 60 letter to Leta, which truly touched me to read about how much she loves her daughter and the joy she has brought into their lives. In a moment of weakness, I felt all weepy over it. I guess it was one of the brief moments where I finally let the emotions break through.

So I don't have a resolution to all of this, but here's my update. Do with it what you will.

xoxo,
MrsSC

Natural Fertility Cocktail, Attempt #1

I know a lot of girls like to compare notes on vitamin brands, supplements, etc so today I thought I'd share with you what I've come up with as a result of my recent research into herbal remedies for anovulation.

First and foremost, I share with you that my vitamin of choice has been the Target brand pretnatal. I've heard a lot about people feeling sick from their prenatals, but I've been on this one for a year now (RE suggested that I start taking them back then just in the event we'd decide to TTC) and I haven't had any issues. They're pretty big pills, which I don't love. Also, I think they smell sorta funny. Someone on the Getting Pregnant message board suggested that I try the Trader Joe's prenatal vitamins and since I'm almost out I think I might switch it up.

I also mentioned that I started taking vitex (chasteberry) last week. I purchased the Solar Ray brand, but my local health food store also carried Nature's Way and one other fertility-boosting blend. I wanted to buy Nature's Way brand (but they were all out) because it seems that their labeling system was more clear and I didn't want to get the blend just yet. So I settled for Solar Ray and I'm taking 1 a day (although the bottle says you can take more) but from what I've read online people don't take huge doses of it.

Lastly, is the Spring Valley soy isoflavones from Wal-Mart. I saw there were recommended very highly on soulcysters.net and other fertility message boards, so I decided to give it a try. As I mentioned before, you're supposed to take them for 4 days early in your cycle to induce ovulation, but I also read about people taking them later in their cycle and having the same results, so I just went for it... because at CD 50+, WTF? Who cares? How much worse can it get? ;-) So I'm on day 4 and wondering if it'll work. I'll be really pumped if it does.

Anyway, I take 80mg of these which is two pills--one in the a.m. and one at night. I've read that if the 80mg doesn't work for you, that you can bump it up to 3/day, but I'm willing to give 2 a shot.

So that's my first attempt at a fertility boosting vitamin cocktail.

My science experiment

So I'm well into CD50+ territory, so at this point I think I'm willing to try just about any witch's brew concoction to either ovulate or start my period. Seriously, if you told me right now that a beet juice enema would bring on AF, I would be shoving beety brine up my starfish faster than you can say "TMI!"

But here's something you might've noticed about me, but since I'm all about pointing out and dramatizing the obvious, I'm going to point it out right here:
I'm a 2001 graduate of Google Medical and love the ability to find anything and everything on the interwebs. It's outstanding. So I've been reading about anovulatory cycles, estrogen levels, herbal and natural treatments, etc. I started taking Vitex (does anyone else think it's funny that it's name is actually chaste berry?) earlier this week, but then did some research about giving the old ovaries a little one-two punch with 4 days of soy isoflavones. I guess if you're taking both for the long term health benefits, they kinda cancel each other out, but if you just do the 4 days of soy, it still has that clomid-like effect.

And, as a big old FYI, I'm looking into a local natural health center who is hosting a seminar on Monday on female issues. It's kinda random that the seminar is on Monday and I just found the place today... Let's hope I don't end up wandering into some alternate universe...

Viva la Vitex!

I picked up a bottle of Vitex at my local health food market yesterday and I took my first pill last night. I couldn't find any information online that says you should start it on CD1 or if you can start at anytime, but I figure that my cycle is already on the fritz--Seriously, my chart has officially gone insane! It now resembles a freaking heart monitor! WTF?

So Vitex it is! I've also been reading about soy isoflavones, which apparently acts like clomid and is a natural way to stimulate ovulation. You're supposed to take 50-100 mg a day for 4 days at the beginning of your cycle (CD3-7 and CD5-9 were two suggestions that I saw).

Supposedly it suppresses estrogen, which stimulates the brain to produce more FSH. When your ovaries start to produce follicles and they grow, estrogen production will pick up again. Soy Isoflavones work in much the same way as Clomid but it's a more natural approach. Apparently it doesn't work for everyone (neither does Clomid), but with thin, anovulatory women with elevated estrogen (aka me!) there's a pretty decent success rate. I guess you can buy it at lots of drugstores and even Wal-Mart, so it looks like I'll be spending a little more time in the vitamin aisle.

Also, while I'm on the topic of homeopathy, I thought I'd save this list of estrogen producing foods. I have to say that as a healthy eater, I'm really upset to see a lot of these foods on the list. I'll have to do some digging to see to what extent each of these effects your estrogen (and plant estrogen is different than animal estrogen, so it's effect isn't as great), but seriously? Chick peas, tomatoes, eggplant, carrots, garlic, EVOO, and peppers have a huge presence in my diet!

Foods Containing Natural Estrogens
Alfalfa
Animal flesh - I include this for your information, as I've already cut this out of my diet due to the hormones in it.
Apples
Carrots
Cherries
Chickpeas (garbanzo beans) -WHAT? I can't imagine cutting hummus out of my life!
Cucumbers
Dairy Foods
Dates
Eggs
Eggplant
Flaxseeds
Garlic
Oats
Olive oil
Olives
Papaya
Parsley
Peas
Peppers
Plums
Pomegranates
Potatoes
Pumpkin
Red beans
Rice (relatively high)
Sesame seeds
Soybean sprouts
Soybeans
Split peas
Sunflower seeds
Tomatoes
Wheat
Yams


Estrogen Inhibiting Foods
If you are suffering from ovarian cysts and other situations that estrogen might exacerbate, the following estrogen inhibiting foods might be of interest to you. I've been shoveling in the Broccoli because I knew that it was good for high estrogen, but it's good to know there are more types on the list.

Berries
Broccoli
Buckwheat
Cabbage
Citrus
Corn
Figs
Fruits (except apples, cherries, dates, pomegranates)
Grapes
Green beans
Melons
Millet
Onions
Pears
Pineapples
Squashes
White rice

The word of the day is...

Indifferent.

It's Monday. Whatever.

The opening of The Office was hilarious last night, but the rest of the show was boring. Whatever.

I have a few things to do for meetings this afternoon, but my coworker is off today so I don't have a pressing schedule. So... whatever.

My chart is still wacky and I have my highest temp yet, but if I did O this weekend I'm SOL, as there was no bd'ing going on. Why?

Because I was feeling indifferent.

Whatever.

**UPDATE** I just saw that Fertility Friend just added extra days to my ticker today, so this indifference is now tainted with a wee bit of bitterness.

Fertility Friend, I am so not convinced that we're actually friends! GRRR...

I'm ignoring the word "regret."

I took the weekend off from TTC in more ways than one. I temped, but I just finally entered my info into FF.

I kinda feel stupid because my cervical position was HSO the past few days, getting more and more high and soft. But still--No BD. There's a few reasons for it--first, DH just didn't seem interested and we spent last night at the IL's. Today my temp was up and my CP is definitely lower, harder, and closed.

But I figure OH WELL! I'll be happy if I even O'd and for the moment I'm thinking about all of the things that I can do sans baby.